This is dedicated to any of you out there who need cheering up. I hope it makes you laugh loudly.
I was nearing my destination taking Dirtbag from training to a shopping mall on Saturday. Why were some other drivers and passengers smiling at me while we were stuck at the lights? Checking my rear view mirror, I gasp in horror as I see the giant penis complete with testicles boasting a few pubic hairs, drawn into the dust on the back windscreen. Why haven't I noticed this appendage before now? I'm already driving a huge, throbbing red engine down the highway, why should I need any more attention? The setting sun must have suddenly decided to illuminate this childish work of art in its window frame.
Continuing to freak out but laughing hysterically at the same time I frantically search for the knob (!) to turn the rear windscreen wiper on; it has gone AWOL or something. I've never needed to use it before now. Meanwhile, the front windscreen wipers are frenetically whizzing back and forth, successfully washing the already clean screen. I have no choice but to get Dirtbag involved.
'Phone your father now and tell him that we have got to get rid of a giant penis riding on the back of the fire engine! By the way love, I have never seen one as big as that before.'
I am ranting on and on about penises, nobs, and all sorts. Dirtbag does smile and giggle a bit which only encourages me further in my diatribe. Those of you who know me well will know that I blush quite easily despite my mischievousness and play on words.
Romeo doesn't know where the vitally needed knob is either but admits that he did know the penis picture was there from the other day! Are you kidding? Is this some kind of Tracey Emin A level art project? Or a secret code for 'Follow me if you need some Viagra or something else?' What must the Arabs around me be thinking? Who would put me to such shame and humiliation? Was it the fuel attendant, some cheeky schoolboys or an impertinent colleague? Why are these lights not changing from red to green?
Still fluctuating between laughter and embarrassment I hallucinate that it could actually be seen as a simple artistic representation of the cannon outside Zubarah Fort.
Thank goodness it wasn't projecting an explosion!
At long last, we arrive at the shopping mall. It seems as though I have been driving forever. I park swiftly and jump out grabbing the box of tissues from the boot. It takes just a few wipes to clear the blot from my rear view horizon before I can calmly carry on with the next task in hand; teenage underwear for her and a Bond girl outfit for me!
Feeling cleansed again, I am reassured that nothing is in fact too big for me to handle.
PS I have now located the rear windscreen wiper knob just in case a massive pair of exposed breasts should be discovered travelling at high speed with me on my next journey. Don't YOU dare!
I was nearing my destination taking Dirtbag from training to a shopping mall on Saturday. Why were some other drivers and passengers smiling at me while we were stuck at the lights? Checking my rear view mirror, I gasp in horror as I see the giant penis complete with testicles boasting a few pubic hairs, drawn into the dust on the back windscreen. Why haven't I noticed this appendage before now? I'm already driving a huge, throbbing red engine down the highway, why should I need any more attention? The setting sun must have suddenly decided to illuminate this childish work of art in its window frame.
Continuing to freak out but laughing hysterically at the same time I frantically search for the knob (!) to turn the rear windscreen wiper on; it has gone AWOL or something. I've never needed to use it before now. Meanwhile, the front windscreen wipers are frenetically whizzing back and forth, successfully washing the already clean screen. I have no choice but to get Dirtbag involved.
'Phone your father now and tell him that we have got to get rid of a giant penis riding on the back of the fire engine! By the way love, I have never seen one as big as that before.'
I am ranting on and on about penises, nobs, and all sorts. Dirtbag does smile and giggle a bit which only encourages me further in my diatribe. Those of you who know me well will know that I blush quite easily despite my mischievousness and play on words.
Romeo doesn't know where the vitally needed knob is either but admits that he did know the penis picture was there from the other day! Are you kidding? Is this some kind of Tracey Emin A level art project? Or a secret code for 'Follow me if you need some Viagra or something else?' What must the Arabs around me be thinking? Who would put me to such shame and humiliation? Was it the fuel attendant, some cheeky schoolboys or an impertinent colleague? Why are these lights not changing from red to green?
Still fluctuating between laughter and embarrassment I hallucinate that it could actually be seen as a simple artistic representation of the cannon outside Zubarah Fort.
Thank goodness it wasn't projecting an explosion!
At long last, we arrive at the shopping mall. It seems as though I have been driving forever. I park swiftly and jump out grabbing the box of tissues from the boot. It takes just a few wipes to clear the blot from my rear view horizon before I can calmly carry on with the next task in hand; teenage underwear for her and a Bond girl outfit for me!
Feeling cleansed again, I am reassured that nothing is in fact too big for me to handle.
PS I have now located the rear windscreen wiper knob just in case a massive pair of exposed breasts should be discovered travelling at high speed with me on my next journey. Don't YOU dare!
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| At Zubarah Fort, February 2014 |
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| Did this Running Man inspire mini dirtbag? |
LOL!!!
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