The second recently suffered sandstorm summoned Bad Omens for me as the church service I usually attend was cancelled, as was Ellie's training. The day after brought forth a raging teenage dirtbag tornado, which I can only assume was born of frustration.
I must introduce her to James.
Cast (in order of appearance)
Susie Suzanne Hoyle
Ellie Eleanor Jayne Hoyle
It is 4.15 pm. The bright UFO lights are once again blazing down upon me as I re-enter the domesticity I had escaped from (body surfing in champagne or more likely cava, with Mini-Me). There is a baking war zone awaiting me. Un-mixed mixture was coagulating in a bowl. At least 100g of butter was congealed in the sink. Used utensils, flour trails, egg shells and sugar grains were lining the shores of the battlefield. Meanwhile, the milk was relaxing on the work surface with his blue hat off, enjoying some time chilling out of fridge prison.
Susie (shouting) Ellieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ellie (entering the kitchen) I wanted to surprise you but it went wrong.
Susie (calmly) That's great thanks, but please can you tidy up.
Ellie (slightly screeching) I'm trying to do something nice for you and you tell me
off. Well, I won't bother in future.
off. Well, I won't bother in future.
Susie (trying to remain calm) It's really lovely of you but I need you to take
responsibility and clear up after yourself.
Ellie (screeching louder) Agghhh! It's not fair, am I your maid or something?
Susie (jokingly, hoping humour will cut through the tension)
Come on Cinders just wash up will you.
Ellie (like the nuclear weapon Fireball)
Just make fun of me then, it's not fair.
YOU'RE SO MEAN!
At which point Ellie begins frantically washing up, flinging Fairy Liquid lemon scented suds everywhere. (Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?)
Susie torments the teenage soul further, unable to keep calm and carry on any longer.
Susie (meanly) That plate's not clean.
Ellie picks up the unclean, plain white plate to scrub again. Soap sud slippery it falls from her fair hand and smashes into smithereens on the floor tiles, Greek plate throwing style. Susie walks silently away from the tragedy only to Tourette-like curse and swear uncontrollably as she hangs washing on the line outside. Immediately the air around her turns dark blue and black like a big, nasty bruise. When she calmly re-enters the disaster zone, Ellie is on her knees with a red dustpan and brush sweeping up the plate shards.
Ellie Sorry mum.
Susie It's OK Ellie. Thanks for tidying up.
A ceasefire is resumed.
responsibility and clear up after yourself.
Ellie (screeching louder) Agghhh! It's not fair, am I your maid or something?
Susie (jokingly, hoping humour will cut through the tension)
Come on Cinders just wash up will you.
Ellie (like the nuclear weapon Fireball)
Just make fun of me then, it's not fair.
YOU'RE SO MEAN!
At which point Ellie begins frantically washing up, flinging Fairy Liquid lemon scented suds everywhere. (Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?)
Susie torments the teenage soul further, unable to keep calm and carry on any longer.
Susie (meanly) That plate's not clean.
Ellie picks up the unclean, plain white plate to scrub again. Soap sud slippery it falls from her fair hand and smashes into smithereens on the floor tiles, Greek plate throwing style. Susie walks silently away from the tragedy only to Tourette-like curse and swear uncontrollably as she hangs washing on the line outside. Immediately the air around her turns dark blue and black like a big, nasty bruise. When she calmly re-enters the disaster zone, Ellie is on her knees with a red dustpan and brush sweeping up the plate shards.
Ellie Sorry mum.
Susie It's OK Ellie. Thanks for tidying up.
A ceasefire is resumed.
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