Spa Class

Spa Class

''Mirror, mirror on the wall

who is the most stressed of all?''

First skin step is to cleanse:

wipe off the daily grime

stroking upwards, choking,

cotton wool pads absorbing my make-up mask,

skin shining, light-bulb luminous.

The surface reveals

what the heart usually feels

a face that's weathered many storms:

furrowed brow, 

farmers tracks ploughed

between bushy eyebrows,

yellowing white in corners of eyes resting on

purple, puffy pillows,

freckles, moles, faint moustache grows.

Second skin step is to tone:

using the cool refreshing fluid

dare I go deeper

take another layer off myself?

Analyse, memorise.

I see the time I punched a bully in the chin

and shook.

The first boy I tongue kissed under a coat,

grief-stricken tears when Grandma died.

I hear you and me begin to be,

laughing, talking, walking free.

Time together, time apart

yearning, learning, relationship art.

I feel the contraction that came so quick,

half searching down the toilet

feeling sick,

as I tremblingly flushed our baby away

while you both slept, I wept

alone and wept.

Then forced myself to phone NHS Direct.

Third skin step to use a mask:

feel it tighten, maybe crack

as it covers little fissures, bumps and hollows

like a hippo I wallow,

can't eat, can't speak, can just about breathe.

Step four to nourish and moisturise:

relax and shut my eyes.

What lies ahead I do not know

the map is written

I just follow.

Calming cream fills my open pores

as time heals many wounds and sores.

Skin will get thinner with age, I'm told,

my map gets bigger as life unfolds.

''You, my princess are most precious of all

no need to worry, I'm here when you fall.

You are not perfect, 

I don't think that you should

use mirrors to check that you are good,

understood?''

Originally written in 2009, reworked in 2015

Girl Power!

Although I do cry with both joy and sadness, what baby could also be suffering a mid-life crisis? I am definitely not posh. Although being quite sporty, I have to admit that I am not as youthful or flexible as others and I don't consider myself to be scary. Hmm, except when I do occasionally 'lose it' and chuck clothes from a suitcase all around a hotel room in Istanbul screaming at the top of my voice, ''I don't want to go back to (insert swear word and add an ing) Qatar!'' So, the choice was obvious. Ginger Spice.
By the way, my favourite spice is cinnamon.

Did I google how to create a Union Jack dress on Election day or did I just boldly go where my alter ego took me? Obviously the latter. My super sporty sister-in-law, Kate, had brought two patriotic towels for Ellie and Josh during the Easter holidays of 2014. I wonder how many packets of cereal my poor brother, niece and nephew had had to consume to obtain these practical gifts? The Kellogg's logo is imprinted along one edge of each towel, the British Swimming logo along the opposite one.

Bravely I chose to wear one towel which made it almost as short as the real Geri Halliwell dress. I enlisted Romeo's help to safety pin these two advertising edges together down my back and rear. Sternly warning him not to prick me as I was not in the mood and already excited enough to be dressing up yet again. The four pins were soon in position, black leggings beneath and my reliable black sports bra was conservatively concealing my cleavage. Unlike the real Ginger Spice, I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself. I thought I remained very decent despite the shortness of the towel. Killer heels would no doubt result in some damage so I opted for a more sensible, comfortable pair of sandals. I was ready to step back into the 1990's. The party being ''Baby Spice's'' 30th celebration!

Quick flashback through that key decade of life in my twenties:

1990-1993 Bretton Hall College (BA Hons degree in English with Inter-Arts)
1990- met Romeo which sometimes clashed with a new found spiritual side of Susie
1994- worked as a volunteer on a sailing project in Essex
1995-1997 first job as a Care Assistant for children with head injuries in Bury, Lancs
1997- August 9th married Romeo and moved to Formby, Liverpool (where I was also homesick for six years) and worked as a Teaching Assistant with a deaf pupil
1998- 1999 successfully completed the intense PGCE course and proudly became a Teacher of English. Unfortunately, I cried most days unless I played hockey, sang or danced the stress away

Phew! Back to the future, we're in 2015.

I didn't labour in vain for nothing as I was so comfortable in my costume.  It was a very hot night so the sweat from my armpits was easily absorbed in the United Kingdom. How was the Election progressing I kept thinking? Going to the toilet was no problem either as after washing my hands I could simply dry them on my towel dress and return to the fun. It was too hot to dance which was a bit disappointing although at the recent Adidas themed 40th I went to, (equally comfortable in same leggings and sports bra, a green vest top with a homemade retro adidas logo pinned on the front, denim mini-skirt and trainers) I ecstatically got lost in the music for three or four hours. So I definitely had my dancing fix then. However,''I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.''

I really, really want to be in this Snow Patrol video from 2011.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwTXwJg6_VE

I do feel that I have been called out in the dark just now, as I am enjoying some chats with friends on WhatsApp. It's also helping communications between crisis and dirtbag. Responding to my heart and trusting in timing, I phoned my special friend Arthur (97 years old) hoping to catch him on good form, which thankfully, I did. We talked together again for ten minutes or so and I enjoyed hearing his good humour and tinkly laugh, from across the miles. During his six long years away at war, showing love in action as a soldier fighting for his country, Arthur could only communicate by writing letters to his beloved wife, Betty. When I used to visit him every Wednesday morning, at his request I would read some of these letters aloud to him after he had lost his wife and his eyesight failed. I would always silently cry, trying not to smudge the ink on these lovely, letters of love.

The water sports club held its canoe and raft races with a lot of Hoyle participation and commendable rankings. Romeo came 2nd in the canoe race and 1st in a four-man team in the mixed raft race. Mini-Me and Romeo also came 3rd in the doubles canoe race. I laughed my head off coming 2nd in the ladies canoe race and enjoyed every minute with my super team of ''Wonder Women,'' complete with flapping red capes and sequinned eye masks, struggling into 2nd place for the ladies in the raft race. A definite highlight was all of us singing the chorus to ''I'm Every Woman,''by Chaka Khan or Whitney Houston, over and over again, loudly, as we paddled past a struggling male team.

Please don't be too deceived by the recent photo on Romeo's facebook page. In real life, I'm chubbier and more wrinkly. Mum and I decided long ago that we both look much better when we smile, even though smiling creates more wrinkles. I'm posting a poem next time called Spa Class which I wrote in 2009. Although it's very personal I hope it speaks to you in some positive way.

I've now written 32,418 words of my novel.
I aim to finish this first draft by the end of May.

My heart leaps as I realise I will be coming home again very soon.

''Make it last forever friendship never ends''

Lyrics from Wannabe by the Spice Girls (1996)

Sheik, rattle & roll

We were warmly greeted at Sheik Faisal's Museum for our allotted 1-3 pm time slot and told that, ''Unfortunately, there wasn't a tour guide available today.''
''No problem,'' I said. She then replied, ''You are thirty-five minutes late,'' and I thought, welcome to Hoyle time. The everlong Lucas part of me will always strive to be on time, if not at least a good bit earlier to appointments, parties, hash runs! I do get a bit stressed if I am late for things which, unfortunately, appears to have rubbed off onto Ellie and Josh.
Having walked through the giant wooden doors and across numerous brightly patterned carpets, I wondered if I had Narnia-like entered into the prop department on The Game of Thrones film set. Instantly I think of Jon Snow. I wasn't too impressed with a couple of different wigs I saw (a long blonde one and a black frizzy one) on some vacant mannequins modelling various outfits I would never ever fit into.
''Is this a dagger which I see before me?'' Yes, said the information card next to it. It is a Mogul one with an ivory handle inlaid in gold. A nineteenth Century Sudanese knife nearby is wearing a real crocodile cover on it. I saw a pair of fighting axes and an Ottoman sabre and plenty of guns on show, which practically blew me away. How many weapons does one man need? There were even some English and Scottish arrow heads used in the Crusades on display.
''Let's try and get some spares for the fire engine,'' I suggested as we passed the colourful, Dodge truck collection. We were having some work done on our red one and had kindly been lent a green one for this trip. We had it washed later in Doha while we went shopping and couldn't find it for ages in the car park. It was an enlightening moment when I suddenly realised we were expecting to see a shiny red one instead of a shiny green one.

Le Camping
I really wanted to camp overnight somewhere during the holidays. Due to Ellie's training schedule and Bruce sitting we couldn't go with our friends so had to plan to go solo another night. I nearly was literally by myself. Ellie was at a sleepover so I thought it would be a great opportunity to lure my boys out into the desert. Talk about reluctant. Golf and T.V were controlling their lives and I wasn't having it anymore. Any amount of reasoning, reassuring or tempting seemed to fall on deaf ears. I had to threaten the only alternative.
''Well, if you don't want to come with me, I'll go on my own,'' I said nonchalantly and truly meant it. It seemed to do the trick, leaving me free to go Wild (2014) like Cheryl Strayed some other time in my future.
I was content to think that we could concentrate on just being instead of doing.

I sent Romeo off to the shop to buy some fresh fish, I was planning a Susie Stein outdoor barbecue special. Fish, squirted with lemon juice, sprinkled with herbs, wrapped in foil and cooked over glowing coals. Perfect. I thought it maybe asking too much of the lads to go spear fishing for their supper.
It only took us about three hours to get everything ready and eventually we set off.
Hunting high and low, we finally agreed on a suitable pitch not too far away to be able to access the golf course easily the following morning (it was part of the compromise and anyway it gets too hot to hang around for long).  Romeo expertly erected the 4 man tent (a raft race prize won last year) while Mini-Me and mid-life crisis went for a dip in the sea.
We were camped approximately 7 metres from the rocky shore. As the setting sun soon left us, the beautiful stars came out to dazzle us. Mini-Me was peacefully doing his word search by torchlight until le poisson sans frites was ready. Then after many gooey marshmallows were devoured we sat and chatted. I kept my eyes on the sky and was rewarded at the right time to see a shooting star, for my eyes only. I was ecstatic, of course.
I have to use my wishes wisely as most of my dreams really do come true.

The wind picked up and as we settled down to sleep the tents sides flapped loudly. It sounded like someone shaking a big packet of crisps in your face. Do you remember those crisps that had a little blue packet of salt inside you had to empty and shake, (Smith's Salt 'n' Shake)? That kind of noise but continuous and loud. A fair amount of tossing and turning ensued, but I expected that. We eventually slept and the next time I stirred it was dead calm until, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppppppppppppp, followed by a waterfall.
The big light switched on at about 5 am. Mini-Me awoke saying he had slept well. It is wonderful to see this part of the world at first light, pale and water coloured, the colours defining as the sun is rising.

Writing in retrospect I consider how very fortunate we are to be able to camp for fun when so many are currently forced to camp in and around Kathmandu, for survival, and with no homes to return to.


The following is from The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom.

The Blue Man smiled. ''No, Edward. You are here so I can teach you something. All the people you meet here have one thing to teach you.''
Eddie was sceptical. His fists stayed clenched.
''What?'' he said.
''That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.''

Another Kitchen Drama

The second recently suffered sandstorm summoned Bad Omens for me as the church service I usually attend was cancelled, as was Ellie's training. The day after brought forth a raging teenage dirtbag tornado, which I can only assume was born of frustration.
I must introduce her to James.

                                                           Cast (in order of appearance)

                                                           Susie       Suzanne Hoyle

                                                           Ellie         Eleanor Jayne Hoyle

It is 4.15 pm. The bright UFO lights are once again blazing down upon me as I re-enter the domesticity I had escaped from (body surfing in champagne or more likely cava, with Mini-Me). There is a baking war zone awaiting me. Un-mixed mixture was coagulating in a bowl. At least 100g of butter was congealed in the sink. Used utensils, flour trails, egg shells and sugar grains were lining the shores of the battlefield. Meanwhile, the milk was relaxing on the work surface with his blue hat off, enjoying some time chilling out of fridge prison.

Susie (shouting)                      Ellieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ellie (entering the kitchen)        I wanted to surprise you but it went wrong.

Susie (calmly)                         That's great thanks, but please can you tidy up.

Ellie (slightly screeching)          I'm trying to do something nice for you and you tell me
                                              off. Well, I won't bother in future.

Susie (trying to remain calm)    It's really lovely of you but I need you to take
                                              responsibility and clear up after yourself.

Ellie (screeching louder)           Agghhh! It's not fair, am I your maid or something?

Susie (jokingly, hoping humour will cut through the tension)

                                              Come on Cinders just wash up will you.

Ellie (like the nuclear weapon Fireball)

                                              Just make fun of me then, it's not fair.
                                              YOU'RE SO MEAN!

At which point Ellie begins frantically washing up, flinging Fairy Liquid lemon scented suds everywhere. (Where is my fairy godmother when I need her?)
Susie torments the teenage soul further, unable to keep calm and carry on any longer.

Susie (meanly)                       That plate's not clean.

Ellie picks up the unclean, plain white plate to scrub again. Soap sud slippery it falls from her fair hand and smashes into smithereens on the floor tiles, Greek plate throwing style. Susie walks silently away from the tragedy only to Tourette-like curse and swear uncontrollably as she hangs washing on the line outside. Immediately the air around her turns dark blue and black like a big, nasty bruise. When she calmly re-enters the disaster zone, Ellie is on her knees with a red dustpan and brush sweeping up the plate shards.

Ellie                                        Sorry mum.

Susie                                      It's OK Ellie. Thanks for tidying up.        


A ceasefire is resumed.

Easter Holidays

I settle down for my Wednesday night film ritual, having psyched myself up to watch American Psycho (2000). I like to visually challenge myself it seems. I'm looking in Patrick Bateman's fridge and sort of squeal and laugh simultaneously when I see the severed female head in a plastic bag sitting on a shelf. At exactly the same time our front door (which has been left ajar) slams loudly shut as the mother of all sandstorms makes her sudden, dramatic entrance, raging all around the Middle East. Pausing the film, I inspect the swirling orange coloured sand through the window, obscuring everything like a dense fog. The palm fronds are flapping wildly in the winds and I realise that I am more frightened by the weather than the film.
I'm already snacking on grains of sand filtering into the house so I don't need any crisps, popcorn or chocolate as I carry on watching. Like Bateman, I narrate my everyday activities in detail, I also enjoy music and exercise. And I really do like L'Occitane en Provence toiletries and have recently acquired some delightful Fleur d'Or & Acacia hand cream, a belated birthday gift from a kind friend. The similarities cease here. The only weapons of choice I have are a pair of small, stainless steel nail scissors, some tweezers and the occasional waxing strip (I do like a freshly sharpened pencil though). All of the afore mentioned are tools verging into the realms of self-harm depending how much pain I can cope with inflicting upon myself. I certainly couldn't hurt anyone else, not even a fly. Although I must confess to killing at least a couple of blood thirsty mosquitoes in self-defence.

The following day school was closed due to 'extreme weather conditions,' so a great start to the holidays. It reminded me of some super snow days we had sledging in the fields with friends in Shepley. Except that we were stuck inside, choking on sand and dust that no sooner had you removed, returned with an apocalyptic vengeance.
I did not predict such strong winds of change and chaos!

On a more positive note, I am happy to report that the new swimsuit has been well and truly wet tested, chlorinated in both pools and baptised in the Gulf. It seems to be bearing up and holding 'everything in its right place.' I know Thom Yorke of Radiohead wasn't referring to some newly purchased Speedos with his song title but to a 17th Century proverb as follows,

A place for everything and everything in its place
(The Oxford Book of Quotations, Wikipedia).

I studied my PGCE with a lovely Liverpudlian lad who was and still is in a band called Clinic.They supported Radiohead on their Kid A Tour, playing under a big top in Warrington in the year 2000. Romeo and I got free tickets to the gig which was great. Watch the video for Miss You by Clinic on full screen, it's psychedelically cool. I've hopefully added the correct link at the end of this post.

Bruce the dog came to stay with us while his lovely owner went buying more crazy costumes for the fluffy little Pomeranian pooch that he is. His wardrobe is better than mine. I, unfortunately, managed to allow Mini-Me to transform himself into a strawberry as he got really badly sunburnt one day. His freckles resembled the seeds in the fruit of his round, red face. Bad mother. Other Easter fun included egg painting and roll racing them with many lovely kids and sharing a whole lamb that had been cooked on a crucifix-like spit over an open fire, Argentine style. We also dug up an overgrown, non-fruit producing, banana tree. I shook the corm roots at Josh, terrifying him by pretending it was Medusa's head. Sheikh Faisal's Museum, Another Kitchen Drama and Le Camping are coming to your screens soon.

One afternoon/evening while Mini-Me and I were partying on the beach in the straw house one of the Three Little Pigs had built, Romeo was supporting teenage dirtbag at her first athletics competition at an American School in Doha. She has been training with Doha Athletic Club set up and run by Liz McColgan for three months or so now and is really improving in strength and speed. It's inspiring to watch these young people train and Liz is so great with them, encouraging and pushing them to achieve their potential and having a laugh with them too. I am so proud of Ellie's commitment and proud of myself for putting my foot down on the accelerator of the fire engine, taking her to some of the training sessions. She usually attends three sessions per week which last an hour and half with an hours journey both there and back. Phew!  Romeo does worry about me driving into Doha. I assure him that I am fine as I always signal my intentions whilst praying my way around the manic roundabouts.

Once the dust settled after yet another shamal, Josh and I cycled down to the beach to have some fun together. The winds were still strong, creating crashing waves which I managed to coax him into. It was a paradise for only us two and as he punched the breaking waves, shrieking with delight, he told me it was like swimming in champagne. That's my boy.

Thank you for continuing to read me and for your kind words of encouragement. I'm fast approaching 5000 page views now which makes me a bit giddy. I trust I'm brainwashing you all in a purely positive way.
'I think my mask of fake insanity will never slip,' Yorkshire Psycho (2015). Ha ha ha ha!

Reading Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (second book club choice, it's BRILLIANT. I should be reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom)
Listening/singing/dancing to, Let The Good Times Be Never Ending by The Charlatans from their new album Modern Nature
Other films recently watched:
Romeo and Juliet, Baz Luhrmann version (1996) my Romeo's choice, we watched it together with dirtbag
Frozen (2013) just me and Mini-Me, I LOVE it!
Rio 2   (2014) the family Hoyle and Bruce the dog
The Help (2011) and One Day (2011) solo viewing to enable lots of laughing, crying etc in private

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqBOqEy7GKg

Black Clouds

The black clouds that have been hanging over the community brought unwelcome news to some that their services were no longer required. The company we work for is cutting its workforce quite heavily due to falling oil prices. It has been an anxious waiting game for the teachers and stressful for most. Their choice removed and harsh decisions made. Engineers and other employees also in our community still apprehensively await their fate. It seems fortune favours us staying here for a while longer. I selfishly feel strangely relieved at having more time to allow things to carry on as they are currently doing. Not having to quickly change paths, to find new jobs and new schools. Romeo did boldly announce that he had seen an art job going in Rwanda. Wasn't our recent hotel escape exciting enough for him I wonder?

We must take comfort in knowing that the map is written and we are all in the right place at the right time. I'm lucky I can write about it. Unfortunately for some it's a great upheaval with not too much time to realign. I feel sad for those good teachers and friends who have to go, not by their own free will, but I trust that new and exciting doors will be opened for them to walk through.
For the present moment, though we stumble together through the sand dunes of despair we do not sink. I quickly rearrange letters and create the positive word praised out of despair. Think of something that makes you happy and joyful in these times.
Yemen and the recent plane crash cause me much grief and sorrow. So I grab the word evil and hold it in my palm. Then I place it carefully on my thumb and flick it into the air as though tossing a coin. When it lands gently back into my other open hand I can clearly see that it has turned itself around and now reads live. And live we must, without fear. Hoping against hope for a better and brighter future.
Listen to Move On Up (1970) by Curtis Mayfield  and My Silver Lining (2014) by First Aid Kit to lift your spirits.

And now for some more Susie trivia.
The dreadful time comes to purchase a new swimsuit. The automatic doors wouldn't magically open for me at M&S, getting an already challenging shopping trip off to a discouraging start. I do eventually break through the barrier and get inside the shop among the swimwear. Surprisingly, I soon settle on a pleasant aquamarine one-piece with built in gastric band. Well, not-so-secret slimming side panels and tummy control feature, now that I've told you all. It will highlight my re-surfacing varicose veins perfectly. Focusing on my two best assets higher up I gleefully realise it will also further enhance my eyes and look great with my wig! My old swimsuit was becoming very thin in parts forcing me to wear a sports bra underneath it to remain respectable. Although come to think of it, if I continue to wear it well and truly out, whilst re-enacting the beach scene From Here to Eternity (1953) on our sandy shores, I could easily get deported. Another possible mission to consider.

After recently learning that Axl Rose is an anagram (work it out) from the witty northern souls Radcliffe and Maconie (BBC Radio 6 Music) I begin to devise my very own anagram pseudonym.
Unnazes Leyho and Ennazus Ohley are OK, but I prefer Zanusen Heylo. If I stick with Susie I could be Issue Heylo but I may have to wait until I get to Heaven for that one.

If any dark clouds hang above your heads, wherever you are, just remember they will eventually blow over. May the winds of change guide you swiftly and gently on to your new adventures or keep you safely in your present ones for now.

With Love xx

The Great Escape

I decide that the time has come. Boldly stating that I had a secret mission to accomplish I cycle off under the grey clouds. Seeing some dustbin men clearing rubbish along the wall makes me panic. What if they have got to him before me? I cycle even faster, hoping against hope, adrenaline pumping.
He's still there.
Gently I pick him up and shake off the sand. We smile at each other before I carefully place him in the plastic bag I brought for his journey. As soon as I start to pedal again large drops of water splash on me. Is he crying, am I? No, it's just the heavens declaring their response.This time I sing.

'' Here comes the rain again 
  falling on my head like a memory
 falling on my head like a new emotion''

When we get home the sun is shining. I hide him away for the rest of the day.
The storm arrives in the evening and I can't resist watching it from an open window. I flinch backwards every time lightning forks, eyes blinking.
He's safe now. Timing is everything.

The next day I carry out my premeditated plan and put him on a delicates wash but worry about him drowning in the suds. He survives, of course, coming out clean and fresh, smelling of Ariel perfume. I leave him alone for a while to adjust to his new surroundings and dry out from his dizzy spin in the machine. A couple of days later I summon up the courage to kiss him for the first time and notice he looks a bit pale. He may need some vitamins after all he's been through. For now I stuff him with an old flannel to lift his spirits before mending his torn trousers in lime green cotton with a simple blanket stitch. Now he looks as good as he can do after being abandoned, windswept, sunbleached, submerged, rained on, then finally rescued.
The boat remains tethered. I hope he likes his surprise.

I furtively place him in my small, silver suitcase among my special occasion underwear collection. He seemed quite happy to sleep there too as I didn't invite him to join us in the giant, white marshmallow soft bed. I had plenty to smile about using my new pink Oral-B vibrating toothbrush, subconsciously celebrating World Oral Health Day as I escaped into this brave new world for exactly 24 hours.

Here Comes The Rain Again
Eurythmics (1984)